Walking and the joys it brings!

Hello little blog,

Again, it seems ages since I last wrote - this time it is definitely my Bipolar's fault, as I'm pinging from severely depressed to slightly 'buzzy.' Thankfully I've only had a couple of hypomanic days since my big episode last summer, but I've managed to do the severely depressed really really well, which is annoying for a number of reasons. Firstly, when I'm that low I'm no longer able to function as a human being - I end up living in my jammies, eating only if food is put in front of me and sleeping around 10-15 hours a day - not very helpful when you have 2 kiddies that need you! What is worse though is the second thing, in that where I mentally want to do everything, but my body goes into 'shut-down' mode, I have to watch my poor mum struggling to cope with looking after me, my dad, my 2 kiddies and trying to fit her work in at some point in the day as well.
Anywho, don't want to dwell here, on to nicer things!

So, my new found love of walking came about when I set myself the challenge of running a marathon to raise money for people that suffer from MS, like my dad - as I got a spinal injury a few years back, I can't run as the impact hurts too much, so I power walk instead 😊
As part of my marathon training, I do one long power-walk a week, between 5K and 10K depending on how I feel on the day. I have a route that takes me into the next town over and then looping back home again. I love plugging in a bit of Spotify and stomping off into the sunset - I tend to go in the evenings when the kids are in bed, as I just can't seem to find time during the daytime. It's also brilliant if my kiddies have been little sods at bedtime, as I can blare out some music and stomp off for a few hours - true bliss!

Lately though, because I had to give my driving license back to the DVLA; thanks to my bloomin' bipolar, and the fact that at the moment I'm too unstable to be safe to drive (I wasn't driving by choice anyway, but it hurt having to physically post my actual license back 😢 The other sucky thing is that  I had just sorted the lease on a lovely little Fiesta for 3 years, which for the time being, can only be driven by my mum - sob!) So unless I catch a ride with friends or mum, I am choosing to walk places and I can't believe what an eye-opener it's been!

When I'm walking just for the purpose of getting home; eg from dance class or group therapy sessions (both in the next town over) I stop to take things in! They both link onto my fav power-walking route, which is handy! I do occasionally find myself going down side roads, or mini detours - just so that it varies the scenery and adds to the Kilometers I manage for that day 😉😊
I spent my walk back from group therapy taking in all the gorgeous flowers and plants that I could see along the way home (that nearly made me late picking up the kiddies from school - oops! 😂)
Here are just a few of my favourite ones:

scenes on my walk home from Newbury

Would you believe that these photos were taken as I walked through an industrial area - full of large trade warehouses and offices!

It struck me today as I walked home from group therapy, just how much I was missing when I used to do the same journey in the car! 

💜 I totally forgot that there is a mini waterfall in the green area in front of one of the warehouses! 

💜 I got to process what we had discussed during the therapy session - I don't usually have time to do that if going in the car

💜 I smiled at every single person I passed - some were in their own bubble and not interested, but others gave me great big smiles back, which I just loved!😊

💜 I also got to walk past the queues of traffic stacked back on both of the roads i walked down - all those busy folk heading off to find some lunch - I must admit, during the bits when the sun was out, I totally didn't envy any of them being cooped up in their box-on-wheels! 😂😂

When I got a little closer to home, I took a short-cut through one of the local parks (it has a massive field there) and I got chatting to a lovely old gent as I had stopped to tell him how gorgeous I thought his dog was! The dog looked like a mini version of a 'Lassie Dog' (afraid I can't remember the exact breed name he said) his name was Toby. His owner Norman and I chatted happily for around 10 minutes or so, then I let him get going as big black clouds were rolling in! (I was very happy that I had remembered to put my umbrella in my bag, as I didn't have a coat!) 

I wouldn't have enjoyed any of these experiences if I hadn't started my fundraising Marathon Challenge, (plus having my driving license taken away! sob, again😉) Nor would I have met Toby and his owner! So as much as I'm desperate to be allowed to drive again (I have to be consistently 'balanced out' for 3 consecutive months for that to happen!) as I want my independence back! I do think that I will keep walking home from places much more that I used to .

It's also better for the environment and my weight loss journey - I call that a total win-win situation! 😄

Reading Half Marathon!

Hey little blog! 

I know it's been a while again, but sooo much has been going on lately!

By far  the most challenging and scary, was taking part in my first ever race - Reading Half Marathon! As the main focus of my fundraising project '4mydadTony' (raising money to help people who suffer from MS like my dad) the BIG challenge is the Marathon in 2020 and I set myself the smaller challenge of running a Half Marathon in 2019!

Well, I'm pleased to say that I have now had my first experience of taking part in a Half Marathon and I loved it!!! 😄

I was really luck and grabbed a lift in with a friend (Paul) who was also taking part - he's done a few half marathons with his wife (who unfortunately was too poorly to take part this time round) so it was nice to be able to chat on the way - my anxiety had been growing steadily for weeks, as Reading is a place that I fear - it's too big, with too many people and too much noise, so I usually have panic attacks if I have to go there 😉

I met up with the ladies from the Berkshire MS Therapy Centre - the charity I was running for this time round. They took the following photo: 

just arrived at Madejski Stadium!

The ladies, Yvonne and Rachel, then came and joined me in the race village, where we chatted - mostly about pets, as I was picking Yvonne's brain about dogs as she's a dog groomer and behaviouralist (so awesome tips on good dog breeds for first time owners and families!) I was very grateful, as I had just broken my headphones, so would not be able to 'run' like i normally do with the music that calms my anxiety 😟

lining up in the Pink Zone, waiting to start!

Soon it was time to line up with all the other runners. I chatted to a lovely south african lady on the way to the Pink Zone (for the slowest runners, like me) who was giving me lots of tips and encouragement 😊

I met up with my friend Paul again and also another friend Nicky and we all walked and talked for the 35mins that it took to finally cross the start-line - we had started at the back of the Pink Zone you see, so with around 17,000 runners, it took a while for us to 'officially begin' 😉

As I can't technically 'run' (due to my spinal injury a few years ago) i was soon overtaken until i was the last person, power-walking as fast as I could. Unfortunately, all of the crowds and noise was too overwhelming for me and I had 2 panic attacks! I kept going though - helped along by a lovely bloke called Dave - who walked along beside me and gave me some tips and encouragement - he was impressed by my technique - arms swinging are a good thing apparently! He gave me some last quick tips before I got my head down and dug deep to get up the bloomin' big hill that I had come upto!

Well, I managed as best I could to keep going, but after 6 miles, when I was on the road leading upto the University, a decision was made to scoop me up. Just before that happened, the safety guy Andy, has shot past me to head off a car that was coming my way! I still have no idea how the driver got past all of the road blocks, but very grateul  to Andy.

It was Andy who suggested that for my safety and so that I didn't get lost when I made it to un-maned stations, I agreed to get onto the 'sweeper' van - I did cry at the guy from the van, Steve, as I was so desperate to complete the race, as it was for charity. He agreed that I could get out and complete the last mile, which I was happy with, so I sat back and enjoyed the ride, whilst sipping the Lucozade Steve had given me.

It was a good laugh on the Sweeper Van - Steve had marshalled races up in Nottingham for years (I am def going to look into doing that one!) and the driver Carol had also helped in a few races as well. We picked up a poor guy who had twisted his ankle, and enjoyed cheering on the runners just infront of us - I nicknamed them the 'pink ladies'  (they had those posh walking pole thingies and all had pink tops) there was 'grandad' a guy who was older, wearing a yellow top and then Jaqueline who was doing a great job too!

My back started to cause me problems, sitting in the van, so I begged Steve to let me out, so that I could walk the rest of the way. I asked if I could keep pace with 'grandad' would that be ok and he agreed. The injured guy decided to hop out too, so that we could both do the final 3 miles of the race.

Well, as Andy in the black safety car said t pick up the pace, I soon shot past 'Grandad' down the rod next to Prospect Park, onto the A4 and round the corner, keeping up with the others, when I stopped. There was no way that I was going to let 'Grandad' walk across that finish line all on his own! So, I started walking back to him and caucght up with him - there was a bit of confusion and worry that I wasn't ok, but I just kept to his pace and explained how lonely I had been at the back for the first 6 miles, so didn't want that for him. 

Turns out his name was John, he was 79 and this was his 20th and final race! He gave me some great tips, like the 'traffic light' focus - spy one in the distance, then keep your head down and when you look up again you can be really happy that it's loads closer! I kept pace with him and there was a lot of 'Left, left, left right left' and 'come on John, we've got this' which helped keep both of us moving! 😊  He held my hand for the final mile and that was how we crossed the finish line! Magic moment!

I was surprised that I was still allowed a medal, even though I only completed just over 9 miles, but overjoyed doesn't do justice to how happy I was to finish! 

The Roller Coaster of Life!

Hey little blog,
Sorry it's been a while, again! Life has been pretty chaotic lately - sooo much has been going on!

One of the most important and amazingly helpful things I've found in the last 3 months, is the Group Therapy sessions I've been going to! 😊 Every Tuesday morning, we all gather in a little room to share, discuss, advise and praise each other on the events or issues that have arisen during the week. (we've also been doing some extra art therapy sessions at our local College, on Tuesday afternoons, which has also been amazing, but I'll tell you about that another time 😉)

During one of the sessions, I bought up the little image I get when I'm not in a good place - that I'm not even in the 'cart' on the tracks of the Roller Coaster of Life!' I am clinging onto the edge of the cart, holding on for dear-life as my feet fly out behind me, as desperatley try to get back into the safety of the cart!
One of the psych nurses added to this image the idea that sometimes you don't actually have to get on the roller coaster at all! He explained that in all good theme parks, the roller coaster rides usually have a 2-ish hour queue! So while you are standing in that line, you have the power to turn around and leave - to decide that actually you don't fancy even getting on the roller coaster ride today! This was mind-blowing for me!!

So now, I have different scenarios for my 'Roller Coaster of Life':

💜 I'm on the Roller Coaster and I'm actually enjoying the ride!
💜 I'm on the Roller Coaster and we've just climbed up a very long bit of track, that leads to a little breathing space 'plateau' at the top. Then just before we get to the massive drop that we all know is coming, the ride breaks down! So now we are all left staring at the massive drop, terrified, as we know eventually the ride will be fixed and we will drop!
💜 I'm at the front of the queue and still can't decide whether I want to get on the Roller Coaster today, or not.
💜 I'm waiting in the queue and I turn around and leave!
💜 I'm looking at the queue for the Roller Coaster and I decided to head off and try one of the other rides in the Theme Park - maybe the Tea Cups, for a change!
💜 It's time for a break - so I flop down on a picnic blanket for some lunch and a rest!

The best bit of this 'Roller Coaster of Life' thing? You never know where you are going to be from one day to the next! Exciting isn't it 😉

4mydadTony Fundraising challenge

Hello little blog,

Sorry it's been a while since I last wrote - lots of things have been going on, but the most exciting has been to do with my Fundraising Challenge, to help people with MS!

You may remember that I wrote about my New Big Goal, which was an awesome starting point! Things have taken a slightly different direction, in light of my bipolar diagnosis, so I thought I'd share a little update with you all.

The original plan was for me to raise £22K to help pay for a big Wheelchair Accessible Car (WAC), that would fit all of the family and my dad comfortably. Well, now that I am probably not going to be moving out of my parents house for some time (well, not until a lovely fella comes along and sweeps me off my feet 😉) we had a re-think about how best to spend the money raised - the big WAC would no longer fit the needs of everyone. So we decided on a new plan - my parents would get a much smaller WAC, that would fit both of their mobility issues and I will save for a family car myself.

My dad hasn't been on holiday for over 2 years now - he either has to go into respite care or have a live-in carer stay with him, which I hate, as i feel so sad having to leave him behind, while we all go off for a fun family holiday. So, some of the money raised is going to go on a lovely family holiday - for my dad and the entire family to enjoy!

Then we had the job of deciding what to do with the rest of the money raised. Well, I met a friend of a friend whose wife also has MS like my dad and she attends a therapy centre for people with MS! So, that is where the remainder of the money raised is going, The Berkshire MS Therapy Centre!

I have already had a couple of fundraising events to help 'kick start' the money raising efforts -
Firstly I held an online Facebook Auction - I asked all of my creative friends if they would be willing to donate any pieces for the auction - to say that I was blown away with their generosity is a total understatement!! The auction went really well and overall raise £264! I have decided to hold another auction in December, perfect timing for some unique Christmas Gifts!

Some of the items donated!

 Next fundraising event, was a pamper evening that I held at a local Hotel. It was a really nice evening, with lots of different stallholders from massage therapists, to nails and skincare products 😊 the only downside was that where I had been so ill for 3 months, all of the final organising was crammed into just a few weeks! It was def a big learning curve and I have already got plans for another similar event next year! That event raised £261 and that was only with a few people there - plus all of the money from selling jewellery that a friend and I had made (we're going into business together - more on that another day!!)

If you fancy checking out my progress, I have a Facebook group called 4mydadTony - I've been uploading my progress and sharing videos of my fitness progress - did I tell you that I have signed up for Reading Half Marathon next Spring!?! I have found a personal trainer who is going to help me on the running side of things - I've been building my fitness levels with HIIT classes, aqua fit and walk/jogs, but I still have a long way to go before I'm Half Marathon Ready! So excited though! 😄

Oh and before I go, I just thought I'd share one little thing extra that I've done recently - I pledged that when my fundraising pot reached £750, I would dye my hair rainbow colours! Well, with generous friends and the online auction, we smashed that goal and so I got a hidden rainbow - which I LOVE!

My next milestone is £2K - then I will get all of my hair rainbow coloured! 😄

What a difference 'belief in yourself' makes!

I can't believe it is now nearly 5 months since I made my life-changing decision to join the world of Forever and what a whirlwind journey it has been so far!

I can't believe how much I have managed to push myself, way beyond my 'comfort zone!' So I just wanted to share a few of the things that I have managed to do - not all of them are 'work' related either! Some of these things would have been absolutely impossible for me to do back in November 2017!

I have driven to Eastleigh on my own (about an hours drive!)
I have travelled to London on the train and managed to navigate the underground without having a panic attack!
I have driven to Southampton on my own!
I have driven to Milton Keynes on my own!
I have attended training events, with others and on my own!
I have spoken to people on skype and video calls!! That one was HUGE!!
I have started up conversations with complete strangers!
I have asked friends questions and extra questions, even when every fibre of my body was screaming at me that 'this really isn't a good idea' and that 'people will get annoyed at you! You're being bothersome!'
I have started learning again and I'm loving it!
I have set myself MASSIVE GOALS, which I WILL achieve!
I have decided to stop listening to the people at Universal Credits when they tell me that my little business isn't 'gainful employment' and basically that I am going to fail!
I have been strong for my family when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out!
I have had lots of fun and so many laughs!
I have met some truly AMAZING and inspirational people, whose passion for health and wellness is just infectious!
I have started back on my 'day zero project' which has been a lot of fun!
I finally feel like a 'real' mum!
I took care of my kids and my dad for a whole week while my mum was on a carers break (no one got food poisoning either!!)
I have found my purpose in life!
I have begun the process of re-connecting with people
I am working on a good work-life balance
I have had fun times with my kids - mini holidays, swimming fun, mammoth games of monopoly, trips to the lakes and sooo much more!
I even occasionally answer the house phone when it rings!
I have stayed strong when my Little Man has been on an emotional roller-coaster!
I even managed a few morning school runs!
I have started drinking aloe vera gel!
I have made contact with a personal trainer
I have booked a style 'make over' session, to learn how to dress for my shape and proportions - as I am totally clueless!
I have started making jewellery again!
I have found new friends through the League of Extraordinary Penpals!
I have prioritised things in my life - and watching TV has taken a back-seat a lot of the time!
I have found 'myself' again, after 5 long years of struggling and feeling lost!

I can't believe the difference a little self-belief with a smidgen of self-worth thrown in, has made!

My new self-employed life!

Hello little blog, sorry I have been neglecting you again!
So much has been going on lately!

I made a huge decision at the end of November 2017 - I decided to take a leap of faith and stated running my own business in the Health and Wellbeing industry and I am LOVING it!!

I found the company because a family friend had encouraged my mum to start using one of the supplements and he came to do a products party at our house - I loved it so much and thought that I could do that, so I asked him to sign me up the very next day!! I think I gave him a bit of a shock to be honest, as I didn't even want to see the business plan or how it all worked (I know, I never do things like 'normal' people, heehee!)

I had my first planning meeting with my up-line manager at the beginning of December and then she helped my launch my business on the 8th December with my first products party!!

Since then I have been on a roller-coaster ride of highs, lows, huge learning curves and soooo much fun! I am most happy that I am finally earning my own money again!
The last 5 years have been really hard for me, having to rely on benefits! I have been in paid employment since the age of 16 and have absolutely HATED relying on 'hand outs!' it's made me feel like such a failure! I have to remind myself that I didn't plan on getting a divorce, plus the moment I felt well enough I found myself voluntary work - so it wasn't like I've sat on my bum doing nothing for the last 3 years!

I'm also enjoying learning again! As I've only ever been employed in jobs where you get handed a payslip at the end of the month, having to sort out all of my finances myself has been quite a challenge ;-) I am working on my 'love-hate' relationship that I have with Microsoft Excel - for the first 2 months, I was sat working out my calculations using the calculator on my mobile phone!! haha! I'm now onto simple equations ;-)
I'm also learning about Network Marketing - not something I ever thought I would be doing if I'm honest, but soooo much fun!
Lastly, I am learning about the wonderful world of Aloe Vera! My new love!

I am blessed to be working with the most amazing, supportive team you could ever wish for! Plus the love and support of my friends and family has seen me through the tougher times, when I was convinced I had made a big mistake taking on this new challenge!

What I'm loving the most is being my own boss!!
I choose when I work and what I'm going to read, watch and listen to each day to help me grow both my knowledge and skills, but also personal goals like working on my confidence and self-belief!
I can still do my voluntary work at the soup kitchen for the homeless and the session each week at my local library - not many paid jobs would be flexible enough for that to happen and there was no way I was going to stop doing them ;-)

I still need to work a little on getting a good work-life balance, but it is already so much better than when I first started back in December!
I try to work when the kids are at school and then again in the evenings when they have gone to bed. Then it leaves me time for them! I have managed to do the school runs AND even some morning ones!! (big achievement that one!)
I have time to meet friends for coffee! I could never do that back when I was a teacher!

All in all, I have to say, becoming self-employed really was the best decision I ever made!

If you want to find out more about what I do, please check out my website:
http://melissa-alwaysandforever.flp.com

Hope you're all enjoying the glorious sunshine we've been having lately - I think Spring has finally sprung now :-D

Hugs to all xxx

My first grey hairs!!

Hello little blog,

So, today I went to Aquafit (will write all about that in my next post!) and I had just stopped quickly to dry my hair before I went out in the cold. I was brushing my hair, just about to pop 20p into the machine to get the hairdryer working, when I happened to glance in the mirror on the wall, and there they were! Two bright, silvery-grey hairs on either side of my parting!

Now for some of you out there, this would be cause for alarm and a flying visit to the nearest supermarket to grab a bottle of hair dye quick! Or booking the first available slot at your favourite hairdressers, to get rid of any traces of those pesky grey hairs!

Well, I'm weird I guess, because instead of the shock and horror of finding those little grey hairs, I just started to smile!

You see, I don't see them as a sign of old-age in a bad way at all. I see them as a kind of badge of honour! That I have finally reached an age where my hair is starting to show signs that I'm not a spring chicken anymore, and I love it!!

When I was a teacher, (over 8 years ago now!) my one dream was to grow 'up' to be an old teacher with round glasses perched on the end of my nose, and long, silvery hair tied up in a tight bun! My aim was to be one of those slightly 'batty' old people, who when they enter the room, people are ever quite sure what they're going to do next! It would have been so much fun!😂

image source here

Alas, my teaching days are far behind me now. So my original aim has been tweaked to leave out the 'teacher' bit and replaced with me sitting with my grandkids (I can dream!) and my Little Man and Little Miss (though obviously all grown up by then) wondering what their batty, old mum is going to get up to next!

I have absolutely no intention of 'growing old gracefully!' I fully intend to be as mischievious as possible! 😉 I'm not going to worry about the 'should I' or 'could I' but will make the most of every day; living life to the max! Then, when my time is up, I'm going to look back on my life and think 'wahoo! What a ride!' instead of a just seeing a list of the things I didn't do, or should have done!

Those little grey hairs just gave me the reminder that it's never too late to 'tweak' my life goals. Plus how lucky I am to have reached this age, where grey hairs are starting to show, when others have not been so fortunate!

So, I am going to wear my silvery- grey hairs with pride! They are my visual reminder of how lucky I am to be this old! How life is for living, and now is as good a time as any to say 'yes' to scary things, or make changes before the regret kicks in!
Thank you little grey hairs, you certainly cheered me up! 😂😂😂