Walking and the joys it brings!

Hello little blog,

Again, it seems ages since I last wrote - this time it is definitely my Bipolar's fault, as I'm pinging from severely depressed to slightly 'buzzy.' Thankfully I've only had a couple of hypomanic days since my big episode last summer, but I've managed to do the severely depressed really really well, which is annoying for a number of reasons. Firstly, when I'm that low I'm no longer able to function as a human being - I end up living in my jammies, eating only if food is put in front of me and sleeping around 10-15 hours a day - not very helpful when you have 2 kiddies that need you! What is worse though is the second thing, in that where I mentally want to do everything, but my body goes into 'shut-down' mode, I have to watch my poor mum struggling to cope with looking after me, my dad, my 2 kiddies and trying to fit her work in at some point in the day as well.
Anywho, don't want to dwell here, on to nicer things!

So, my new found love of walking came about when I set myself the challenge of running a marathon to raise money for people that suffer from MS, like my dad - as I got a spinal injury a few years back, I can't run as the impact hurts too much, so I power walk instead 😊
As part of my marathon training, I do one long power-walk a week, between 5K and 10K depending on how I feel on the day. I have a route that takes me into the next town over and then looping back home again. I love plugging in a bit of Spotify and stomping off into the sunset - I tend to go in the evenings when the kids are in bed, as I just can't seem to find time during the daytime. It's also brilliant if my kiddies have been little sods at bedtime, as I can blare out some music and stomp off for a few hours - true bliss!

Lately though, because I had to give my driving license back to the DVLA; thanks to my bloomin' bipolar, and the fact that at the moment I'm too unstable to be safe to drive (I wasn't driving by choice anyway, but it hurt having to physically post my actual license back 😢 The other sucky thing is that  I had just sorted the lease on a lovely little Fiesta for 3 years, which for the time being, can only be driven by my mum - sob!) So unless I catch a ride with friends or mum, I am choosing to walk places and I can't believe what an eye-opener it's been!

When I'm walking just for the purpose of getting home; eg from dance class or group therapy sessions (both in the next town over) I stop to take things in! They both link onto my fav power-walking route, which is handy! I do occasionally find myself going down side roads, or mini detours - just so that it varies the scenery and adds to the Kilometers I manage for that day 😉😊
I spent my walk back from group therapy taking in all the gorgeous flowers and plants that I could see along the way home (that nearly made me late picking up the kiddies from school - oops! 😂)
Here are just a few of my favourite ones:

scenes on my walk home from Newbury

Would you believe that these photos were taken as I walked through an industrial area - full of large trade warehouses and offices!

It struck me today as I walked home from group therapy, just how much I was missing when I used to do the same journey in the car! 

💜 I totally forgot that there is a mini waterfall in the green area in front of one of the warehouses! 

💜 I got to process what we had discussed during the therapy session - I don't usually have time to do that if going in the car

💜 I smiled at every single person I passed - some were in their own bubble and not interested, but others gave me great big smiles back, which I just loved!😊

💜 I also got to walk past the queues of traffic stacked back on both of the roads i walked down - all those busy folk heading off to find some lunch - I must admit, during the bits when the sun was out, I totally didn't envy any of them being cooped up in their box-on-wheels! 😂😂

When I got a little closer to home, I took a short-cut through one of the local parks (it has a massive field there) and I got chatting to a lovely old gent as I had stopped to tell him how gorgeous I thought his dog was! The dog looked like a mini version of a 'Lassie Dog' (afraid I can't remember the exact breed name he said) his name was Toby. His owner Norman and I chatted happily for around 10 minutes or so, then I let him get going as big black clouds were rolling in! (I was very happy that I had remembered to put my umbrella in my bag, as I didn't have a coat!) 

I wouldn't have enjoyed any of these experiences if I hadn't started my fundraising Marathon Challenge, (plus having my driving license taken away! sob, again😉) Nor would I have met Toby and his owner! So as much as I'm desperate to be allowed to drive again (I have to be consistently 'balanced out' for 3 consecutive months for that to happen!) as I want my independence back! I do think that I will keep walking home from places much more that I used to .

It's also better for the environment and my weight loss journey - I call that a total win-win situation! 😄

Letter to my Bully

Hey little blog,

So, coming down from this 20 day Manic Episode has been really revelationary!
I have done some things that I would never normally be able to do, as my anxiety always stopped me before!

⭐I wrote a message to a random guy who sent me a friend request on Facebook! We chatted for a few days, before a friend helped me realise that he was a bloomi' CATFISH! But I got the last laugh, as I copied one of the other photos of 'him' from the scammer site and pinged it back to him saying 'is this you?' he then tried to back-track and was like 'where did you get that from?' but I delivered the final blow of googling the photo of his 'son' and sharing with him that actually his name is not Luther, it's Mark!! He blocked me and I deleted the conversation and photos of him! Thankfully I didn't feel like sharing any personal info with him - relied to know that 'manic me' has quite a lot of self control!! 🤣🤣
I managed to bounce back after the initial shock and sadness at being lied to had passed - plus it's been a great learning tool for my kids - you never know if the person on the other end is legit or a liar! 😉

⭐The second things that is pretty 'out there' for me is the burning desire I've had to send the girl who bullied me at school a letter! I guess 14 years of waiting has finally bubbled over now that 'manic me' got released!
I came to an agreement with my psych nurse, that if I write the letter, he would take it away and show it to my psychiatrist - then when I am much calmer, I can either sent it or burn it!

I accidently printed out 2 copies of the letter last night! So while the kids were out at summer club thingy this morning, I decided to go out onto the patio and BURN IT! Watching all of that anger (I must admit, I was more contained and calmly stating facts, rather than mouthing off and swearing heaps like I did in a letter to my ex last week - don't worry I didn't send it! It went off with my psych nurse as well!)

Firstly, 'manic me' thought the fire bit was AWESOME!! But safety conscious as ever, I had my jug of water at the ready 😉 Unfortunately I couldn't get to our BBQ, as I'd have done it in there! I did use quite a few matches, as it was a little windy, but sooo worth it!
Secondly, watching my words go up in flames was such a release! Like I could see 14 years of hatred finally leaving my soul and being carried off on the breeze! A truly 'Ahhh' moment!

So, I don't know if my bully will ever read the words that I finally put down on paper and to be honet I don't really care. She is the past. She can no longer hurt me, as I am strong and finally, I have moved on! 😄