The Roller Coaster of Life!

Hey little blog,
Sorry it's been a while, again! Life has been pretty chaotic lately - sooo much has been going on!

One of the most important and amazingly helpful things I've found in the last 3 months, is the Group Therapy sessions I've been going to! 😊 Every Tuesday morning, we all gather in a little room to share, discuss, advise and praise each other on the events or issues that have arisen during the week. (we've also been doing some extra art therapy sessions at our local College, on Tuesday afternoons, which has also been amazing, but I'll tell you about that another time 😉)

During one of the sessions, I bought up the little image I get when I'm not in a good place - that I'm not even in the 'cart' on the tracks of the Roller Coaster of Life!' I am clinging onto the edge of the cart, holding on for dear-life as my feet fly out behind me, as desperatley try to get back into the safety of the cart!
One of the psych nurses added to this image the idea that sometimes you don't actually have to get on the roller coaster at all! He explained that in all good theme parks, the roller coaster rides usually have a 2-ish hour queue! So while you are standing in that line, you have the power to turn around and leave - to decide that actually you don't fancy even getting on the roller coaster ride today! This was mind-blowing for me!!

So now, I have different scenarios for my 'Roller Coaster of Life':

💜 I'm on the Roller Coaster and I'm actually enjoying the ride!
💜 I'm on the Roller Coaster and we've just climbed up a very long bit of track, that leads to a little breathing space 'plateau' at the top. Then just before we get to the massive drop that we all know is coming, the ride breaks down! So now we are all left staring at the massive drop, terrified, as we know eventually the ride will be fixed and we will drop!
💜 I'm at the front of the queue and still can't decide whether I want to get on the Roller Coaster today, or not.
💜 I'm waiting in the queue and I turn around and leave!
💜 I'm looking at the queue for the Roller Coaster and I decided to head off and try one of the other rides in the Theme Park - maybe the Tea Cups, for a change!
💜 It's time for a break - so I flop down on a picnic blanket for some lunch and a rest!

The best bit of this 'Roller Coaster of Life' thing? You never know where you are going to be from one day to the next! Exciting isn't it 😉

Letter to my Bully

Hey little blog,

So, coming down from this 20 day Manic Episode has been really revelationary!
I have done some things that I would never normally be able to do, as my anxiety always stopped me before!

⭐I wrote a message to a random guy who sent me a friend request on Facebook! We chatted for a few days, before a friend helped me realise that he was a bloomi' CATFISH! But I got the last laugh, as I copied one of the other photos of 'him' from the scammer site and pinged it back to him saying 'is this you?' he then tried to back-track and was like 'where did you get that from?' but I delivered the final blow of googling the photo of his 'son' and sharing with him that actually his name is not Luther, it's Mark!! He blocked me and I deleted the conversation and photos of him! Thankfully I didn't feel like sharing any personal info with him - relied to know that 'manic me' has quite a lot of self control!! 🤣🤣
I managed to bounce back after the initial shock and sadness at being lied to had passed - plus it's been a great learning tool for my kids - you never know if the person on the other end is legit or a liar! 😉

⭐The second things that is pretty 'out there' for me is the burning desire I've had to send the girl who bullied me at school a letter! I guess 14 years of waiting has finally bubbled over now that 'manic me' got released!
I came to an agreement with my psych nurse, that if I write the letter, he would take it away and show it to my psychiatrist - then when I am much calmer, I can either sent it or burn it!

I accidently printed out 2 copies of the letter last night! So while the kids were out at summer club thingy this morning, I decided to go out onto the patio and BURN IT! Watching all of that anger (I must admit, I was more contained and calmly stating facts, rather than mouthing off and swearing heaps like I did in a letter to my ex last week - don't worry I didn't send it! It went off with my psych nurse as well!)

Firstly, 'manic me' thought the fire bit was AWESOME!! But safety conscious as ever, I had my jug of water at the ready 😉 Unfortunately I couldn't get to our BBQ, as I'd have done it in there! I did use quite a few matches, as it was a little windy, but sooo worth it!
Secondly, watching my words go up in flames was such a release! Like I could see 14 years of hatred finally leaving my soul and being carried off on the breeze! A truly 'Ahhh' moment!

So, I don't know if my bully will ever read the words that I finally put down on paper and to be honet I don't really care. She is the past. She can no longer hurt me, as I am strong and finally, I have moved on! 😄